I got this from the Perpetual Motion Board:
- At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later
discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested
trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a
protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney general John
Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the
notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by
the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire
average solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute
value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and
refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have
determined they belong to a
common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country.
"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there
are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
math instruction, He would have given us more fingers
and toes. I am gratified that our government has given
us a sine that it is
intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are
willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky
statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of
influence," the President said, adding: "Under the
circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make
our point, and draw the line."
President Bush warned, "These weapons of math
instruction have the potential to decimal everything in
their math on a scalene never before seen unless we
become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to
factor-in random facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader
would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is
uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply, their
days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around
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