Thursday, November 27, 2003

Funny Post

I got this from the Perpetual Motion Board:
    At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later
    discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested
    trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a
    protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

    At a morning press conference, Attorney general John
    Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the
    notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by
    the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

    "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire
    average solutions by means and extremes, and
    sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute
    value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and
    refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have
    determined they belong to a
    common denominator of the axis of medieval with
    coordinates in every country.

    "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there
    are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.

    When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush
    said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
    math instruction, He would have given us more fingers
    and toes. I am gratified that our government has given
    us a sine that it is
    intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are
    willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky
    statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of
    influence," the President said, adding: "Under the
    circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make
    our point, and draw the line."

    President Bush warned, "These weapons of math
    instruction have the potential to decimal everything in
    their math on a scalene never before seen unless we
    become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to
    factor-in random facts of vertex."

    Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader
    would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is
    uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply, their
    days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around
    their necks."

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